HEADGAMES AND HOSIERY - MEN WEARING
PANTYHOSE IN PUBLIC
November 10, 1998
Here's another essay I have been working on. If we ever hope to reach the point where
men wearing pantyhose is treated as ordinary, it's going to have to be seen. Most of us
aparently fear negative reactions, so here's my take on public reaction.
HEADGAMES AND HOSIERY - MEN WEARING PANTYHOSE IN PUBLIC
Since I first began surfing the Net a few months ago, I have read with interest of men
who have ventured forth in public wearing pantyhose with shorts. Many others who have not
done this, but wish to, may be a bit confused over the lack of reaction many of these men
have received and wonder why this is so. How could something so obvious and
"unconventional" be greeted with such apparent indifference? I would like to
share what I believe are some reasons for this.
As children, we probably all have witnessed or suffered the strong reactions from other
children to any appearance or behavior that might be regarded as different, whether it is
odd behavior or simply a big nose. Many of you may be fearing a similar reaction from
adults if you were to be seen wearing pantyhose. Mature adults, those whose social
development did not stop at puberty, do not react this way. The reasons are many. For one,
we have learned to be polite. While each of us sees or hears of things with which we do
not agree, courtesy generally prevents us from deliberately intruding on another's
"privacy".
You may notice people glancing at your legs a second time. When you are not facing
them, they may even be staring. Don't be alarmed. This is a natural reaction to seeing
something unusual or unique, and your appearance IS unique. How many other men have YOU
see wearing pantyhose in public? Staring does not necessarily imply disapproval, as with
men staring at women on the beach. If you really want to know someone's opinion of your
appearance, you may have to ask.
This does not mean they will not discuss it with their friends, though women will be
more likely to speak of it than men. Pantyhose doesn't seem to crop up as a subject in
conversations among men, although one time a male co-worker readily commented that he wore
pantyhose for warmth when hunting in cold weather. The tone of women's conversations will
probably be of curiosity or mild amusement rather than shock. I recall a conversation I
once had with a female hosiery clerk when I was shopping for pantyhose. She remarked quite
casually of two regular male customers. One would phone in his orders in advance, ask
about new styles, and would buy a dozen pair at a time. The other would try on new styles
in the changing room and model them in shorts for her opinion. It seemed to me that men
buying pantyhose from her was quite common.
On another occasion, I listened in on a conversation among clerks at a women's fashion
store as they talked about a teenage boy who had been there earlier. They helped him buy
everything - pantyhose, panties, bra, slip, dress, shoes, wig, cosmetics - and he wore it
all as he left. This was not near Halloween. No laughter, just women conversing about an
unusual event. Both situations occurred in the Southeast U.S.,
Bible Belt country not renowned for liberal attitudes. Many of you have remarked of
being nervous and self-conscious when buying pantyhose. You need not be. Remember that
clerks are required to be courteous and helpful to customers.
Personally, in almost 30 years of buying hosiery, I have never had a bad experience
with saleswomen. On a few occasions, I have been offered "Hosiery Club" discount
cards.
INATTENTIVENESS - Although you may feel that spotlights are aimed at you, many people
will quite simply not notice if you are wearing flesh-toned hosiery. Men generally do not
pay much attention to other men unless they perceive a threat.
Men are usually watching women. So are women. They are always attentive to new fashion
ideas or are comparing their appearance to others. Go to a shopping Mall and just sit and
watch for an hour or so. Most people are focused on their own activities. They rarely give
each other more than a passing glance. As an example, consider shaved legs.
I am very attentive of what is going on around me when I am out of the house, and
hardly a week goes by in the summer that I do not notice a man with shaved legs in shorts
(not counting the ones whose hair is so sparse you have to look twice to be sure). Recent
examples - a man with his young son in a grocery store, a man with his date at a movie, a
construction worker getting lunch a McDonalds, a man shopping in a hardware store, a man
getting gas for his car.. As best I could tell, nobody except me gave them as much as a
glance.
Granted, pantyhose are a bit more obvious, but that assumes someone even bothers to
look!
CONFUSION/INDIFFERENCE - Suppose you are noticed wearing pantyhose. Given the rapidly
changing styles in appearance of the younger members of society, from wild clothes and
hair styles, men wearing earrings, tattoos, body piercings, etc., a man wearing pantyhose,
though unusual, is not all that remarkable anymore.
If a drag queen (RuPaul) can have a popular show on U.S. television, your appearance
just isn't that shocking. (Ever seen a Marilyn Manson performance?) There must be some
reason you are wearing pantyhose, but they just can't figure out what it is. This assumes
they bother to give it much thought. Most people have more pressing concerns occupying
their thoughts to spend much time thinking about a stranger in pantyhose. Unless you
decide to bother others, they probably will not bother you.
As far as acceptance goes, fashions become more "acceptable" as they become
commonplace. Your public appearance in pantyhose is sowing seeds. A few of the men who
notice you, particularly younger men, will see this as another way to be unique,
particularly if their girlfriends approve of your legs. Other men who secretly wear
pantyhose may see you and be emboldened to follow your example.
Some women who like what they see may be inspired to get their husbands or boyfriends
into a pair. This is how trends get started. I have read many postings by men wishing that
hosiery companies would market pantyhose for men, hoping that this would start a trend and
legitimize men wearing them. Did you plan to carry the package they came in with you to
show to doubters? Regardless of whom the hose were designed for; the visual effect would
be the same. Some of you older readers may recall that this was tried before.
I recall seeing in 1972 a product on the shelves marketed as Mantyhose or Mannyhose (I
forget which). They were at least 60 denier, chocolate brown, and probably had a fly
front. Within months they were pulled from the shelves because nobody was buying them,
including me (I prefer sheer). The demand has to come first. Clothing manufacturers
typically do not start trends; they follow them and try to produce styles that capitalize
on that trend. Even successful designers often just innovate on a trend. They react to
what they see on the streets. Do not wait for Hanes or Wolford to blaze the trail for you,
it probably will not happen. It starts with you and with those who will slowly follow. If
you truly want this to become a trend, you will have to get "out there", and
often. Be willing to talk to people about it if they ask. Be honest without being graphic.
Whatever your private reasons for wearing pantyhose are, you are in public because you
enjoy wearing pantyhose and believe there is nothing inherently wrong with a man wearing
pantyhose in public. Nobody is being harmed and you, presumably, think your legs look
better in pantyhose. If they disagree, that is their right.
Others will be silently agreeing and admiring your courage. Do not be too surprised if
some women give you compliments on your legs (assuming they are shaved - hairy legs in
hose do not look good). Women are generally more accepting of new fashions than men are,
and it's hard to picture a man in pantyhose as dangerous.
A parenthetical note - The BIGGEST reason a woman's legs look attractive is that they
are shaved. Do not misunderstand, I LOVE looking at women's legs, but would you spend much
time admiring hairy legs on a woman? Try this experiment.
When you see a man's legs, try picturing them as shaved, and then think of them as
being on a woman. Try the reverse also. Quite often, there isn't all that much difference
and men aren't plagued with cellulite (cottage-cheese thighs), varicose veins, and
"thunder thighs". The point is this: most women do not have a model's legs and
many men's legs can look as good in hose as theirs. I will concede that women have better
posture and "walks" than men. Poetry in motion. The hardest part of your
"outing" will be family and friends. My prediction is that your family's biggest
concern after trying to figure out why (that's not always easy) will be how your friends
will react. Confusion, not rejection I think will be your friends' biggest issue also.
Granted, they may not want to be seen with you while you are wearing pantyhose - what will
THEIR friends think? - but people may be more understanding than you anticipate. Am I
claiming you will never have an unpleasant experience? No. The road to freedom has its
potholes, which you may occasionally encounter. Hopefully, they won't be deep ones. Some
environments and situations are safer than others. Use good judgement and stay away from
drunks, they tend to revert to childish behaviors. "Low rent" neighborhoods
aren't recommended either. They are full of unhappy, frustrated people quite willing to
vent some of their negative attitudes your way.
By now, many of you are wondering about me and my "qualifications". I do not
shave my legs in deference to my wife, and I would not go out in pantyhose and shorts
unless I did. However, I have gone out in public in hose without socks on more occasions
than I can recall (hundreds, and yes, they could be seen if one bothered to look), and in
almost 30 years since first doing so, have NEVER had anyone approach me with adverse
comments. Maybe this can be a less intimidating first step for you.
When you get right down to it, your biggest obstacle to wearing pantyhose in public
(assuming no family or professional problems) is YOUR OWN SELF-DOUBT. Look in the mirror
and ask yourself why you want to wear pantyhose in public and why you think you should be
able to. I'm serious. Until you can answer these questions to your own satisfaction, you
will always have nagging at the back of your mind the thought that you are doing something
wrong. Look at it this way. Why do women wear pantyhose in public? 1) They are expected to
in certain situations.
2) They know their legs are more attractive to men when in pantyhose.
3) Pantyhose provide extra warmth in cold weather.
4) They obscure flaws and blemishes.
5) They provide support for tired legs.
6) Pantyhose reduce/prevent chafing between the thighs.
7) Many women enjoy how pantyhose feel on their legs.
8) Vanity/self-expression - THEY like the way their legs look in pantyhose. In your
case, we can rule out number 1 and in most cases number 2, although you might be surprised
that many women would consider a man's shaved legs in pantyhose attractive. Numbers 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, and 8 can be valid for either sex. For men there is an additional
"reason". Until you feel that you can wear pantyhose in public, assuming you
want to, you will not escape that feeling that it is somehow wrong.
Get over it. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with wearing pantyhose. Right or
wrong on this issue is only a matter of opinion. Are you going to let some possibly
negative opinions from strangers keep you from doing what you enjoy? Embarrassment comes
from feeling foolish. Until you decide that your opinion is just as valid as theirs is,
you will continue to be frustrated and hiding in the shadows. You don't have to be a
"fag" to wear pantyhose. That's a stereotype based on lazy thinking. You just
need a little courage and self-confidence.
In all, I agree with the men who have worn pantyhose with shorts in public. Be
yourself, act naturally. Build your confidence with short outings. If your wife or
girlfriend is willing to go with you, all the better. Get used to seeing yourself outside
in hose. You are not likely to be approached by anyone, but if you are, it may simply be
out of curiosity. Be friendly. Sure, you might overhear some giggling by children and
teenagers, or catch some disapproving looks. Trendsetters are never universally accepted.
Just remember that you are exercising your personal freedom, and that some who see you are
secretly wishing they had the courage to do so also.
Splitting hairs Dept. - A few comments on Acceptability The prevailing perception is
that men wearing pantyhose is not socially acceptable. Other than the fact that men are
rarely seen in pantyhose, how do we KNOW it's not acceptable? Have any surveys been done
on this? I haven't seen any.
The plain truth is that most people make assumptions on what is acceptable or not by
inference. You don't see it, so therefore it's not acceptable. The majority of us are
followers - we base our opinions and behaviors according to what we see others doing. Few
people are willing to stand out in a crowd with an opinion or action contrary to what
others are saying or doing. We fear resisting the pressure to conform.
Specifically with regard to pantyhose, have you asked anyone if they personally care
whether or not a man wears pantyhose? Please note, I said if they "CARE". This
is a more crucial question than if they think it is OK. Most people, men anyway, will say
"no" to that question because that is what they feel they should say to avoid
criticism and embarrassment.
My gut feeling is that most people, as long as it doesn't hit too close to home, are
quite indifferent on the subject. They DON'T care! Sure, it's different and will attract
attention due to the novelty; but unless individuals feel their safety or status among
their peers is threatened, their probable reaction is to live and let live. Isn't that
acceptance? What most of you are seeking is endorsement. Until the public appearance of
men in pantyhose is common enough, popular opinion will still be negative. Popular
opinion, however, is quite often people parroting what they think they are supposed to say
to escape criticism and retain their credibility - not expressing what they really feel.
Popular opinion is changed only by those willing to be honest enough to say and do what
they personally believe is right.
Are you looking for acceptance? You pretty much have it already. Seeking endorsement?
You'll have to work for that one.
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